Friday, March 21, 2008

Welcome to Alberta

Things you should know before settling in...

1: Pull up your pants, you look like an idiot!

2: Let's get this straight, it's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3: That lingering scent in the air comes from the combination of sweat, crops, live stock and oil. To you it just stinks, to us it is the lovely scent of money. Get over it.

4: So, you drive a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter-million dollar Combine that we drive three weeks a year.

5: Every person in a pickup waves. It's called being friendly. We open doors for women. This applies to everyone regardless of age. Try to understand the concept.

6: We started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi" too. We got over it.

7: Yeah, we eat beef and pork. You want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8: The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9: Per capita, each man, woman and child owns at least two firearms and knows how to use them.

10: Highway 2 runs north and south, Highways 1 and 16 run east and west. Highways 63 and 43 lead to the promise lands. If you don't like it here, I suggest you use 1 or 16 as your escape route. You could use 2 south but if you don't like it here I doubt very much you would like it any better south of the border.

Enjoy your stay!


ABFreedom said...

Can we hang these up at all the east and west border crossings please....

Tim said...

I have to go to LLoyd in the morning so I can post it there for a starter!