Will this Nightmare ever end?

I had no idea that this years Rose Bowl was featuring an exciting match up between the Mother from hell and the President of the United States of America. The halftime show will consist of a demonstration of Chinese cultivation practices. And this people is just the Rose Bowl Parade.

I can't imagine what fun the real game will bring. With names like the "Fighting Illini" and the "Trojans", there is a 2% chance of a break through, and a 98% chance that all will be safe in the end zones.